“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours” Author unknown
One of my greatest flaw, I have to admit is, the lack of people skills. You see, I have this tendency to speak my mind and sometimes, it may not be well received though well intended. I always feel the need to correct a wrong for fear of abetting a sin by keeping silence. There is a saying; enjoining good and forbidding evil. But I have learned that not everyone wants to hear the absolute truth. Some people prefer the sugar-coated version of facts and some prefer to be in denial.
So, what do I do? I stopped talking..ha ha ha..yeah right! As if that would happen! No, seriously....I just talk less. The Wise Owl keep telling me that, talking less is good. If one needs to speak, then, only say nice things. If one does not have anything nice to say, then one should keep one’s mouth tightly shut! Ouch!
On the authority of Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him), the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good things or keep silent. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should be courteous and generous to his neighbour. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should be courteous and generous to his [travelling] visitor.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
So, I decided to rise to the challenge...ayayayayaya...the agony of not commenting on everything was, at first, excruciatingly painful; considering that, I always have a comment on EVERYTHING! It was not easy. It took almost all of my will power and strength to keep my chatty mouth SHUT. BUT, determined I was. Hence, most of the time, to avoid, accidental blurting, I would crawl into my coconut shell whenever I was sad, angry, stress or just wanted take a breather. It is easy to lash out to somebody when one is provoked and often, one will feel remorse over things, that has been said unintentionally or on the spur of the moment .Once the words are spoken, you cannot retrieve it back and no matter how much you apologise, the damage would have been done and probably cannot be undone.
The term 'a frog under a coconut shell' is used to describe a person who is completely cut off from the world and who is oblivious to his or her surroundings. So, in the beginning, I had to crawl under my coconut shell quite often. When I am in my shell, I am the happiest froggy on earth and no amount of pleading or coaxing or sweet-talking or even threats could lure me out until I am well and ready to leave. I find that being in my shell allows me to see things from a different perspective. A friend of mine had once suggested that maybe I should ditch my shell and perhaps, that, would improvise my people's skills. Errr….I don’t think so!!!! Maybe I am permanently impaired.
Everybody has their own little shell or world that they run to so that they can completely immerse in and lose themselves. Some shell works to the betterment of a person and some shell would only make the person a recluse and anti- social. Mine? Well...for now my shell is my comfort zone, my little haven where I can let my guard down and be me. A place where, I can find peace and tranquillity. My shell is actually a protection for the general public. Believe me, you wouldn’t want to see me angry. The good news is that I don’t turn green but the bad news is that, I don’t shout but I roar and I don’t fume but I breathe fire! So, trust me when I say it is safer for the general public, for me to be in my coconut shell when I’m angry, to avoid any bloodshed.
Sometimes, when things get a little bit too much, you just have to take several steps back and see things through a different eye. When you are calm, you can even see the things that you had missed out earlier. When you take a step back, not only you can hold your anger in check and not be a tool of satan, but you might also find that the person is not worth your time or your tears. So, forget about him or her and move on.
We only have one chance in this life, so don't waste it on trivial people and matters. Some things are just out of our control so we must learn to accept and live by it. We must try to get things right at first instance as we will not have a second chance to re- do things. If we unintentionally made a mistake, apologise and try to rectify any errors. If others made a mistake, forgive and move on. It does not matter if the person does not apologise, just forgive and forget. Do not carry any unpleasant memories with you as it will make you depress and unhappy. Keep the good memories and throw the bad ones, as the bad ones will anchor you down and make you slow and sluggish. Pondering on the past will not change it but it can harbour hate in your heart. Free your heart and your soul will be purified, and then, you will be a much better person.