“Sometimes the hardest things to believe are the only things worth believing at al.” ― E.J. Patten.
One fine day, a friend asked me, “sis do you check your husband’s phone?” I gave my friend a blank look. “Why? Should I?” I asked. I merely stared at her, not knowing how to answer her question. Anyway, this friend went on to elaborate the reasons and justifications of why I should. Errrrmmm……
To tell you honestly, I do have a suspicious mind but that resulted from years of legal training. Call it occupational hazard! I was trained by my mentor to think suspiciously and crookedly so that I can think of all possible options and solutions for clients, in the worst case scenario. So, in my case, the only time I acted on my suspicious mind was actually strictly professional.
Personally, I have never been one who snoops but, I do understand why one spouse has difficulties in trusting the other. It could be that the spouse has a history of infidelity or it could be a simple case of paranoia. Constant fear of the ‘what if’ disease. I have dealt with cases involving spousal infidelity in the past. I have to say that it is never pretty but it is what it is….
The thing is, should we spy on our spouse? Should we give in to our suspicions? Well……
“Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: ‘Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the falsest of speech. Do not eavesdrop; do not spy on one another; do not envy one another; do not forsake one another; do not hate one another. Be, O slaves of Allah, brothers.”
Al-Bukhaari, 5144; Muslim, 2563.
“O ye who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for suspicion in some cases is a sin: And spy not on each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay, ye would abhor it...But fear Allah: For Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful.”
Surah Al-Hujurat 49:12
I’m no expert but to me, in a marriage, one of the most important ingredients for ensuring happiness is to have ‘trust’ between spouses. If you can’t trust your spouse, then you are better off not being married at all. Why you ask? It is because, without trust, everything will crumble like a deck of cards. To me, trust is the glue that holds the union together. The suspicion and paranoia will drive you insane. It can also drive your spouse away. By not trusting your spouse, it is akin to telling him or her, that she or he is a liar. No one likes to be called a liar.
I know of a couple where the wife calls the husband every half an hour, just to check his whereabouts. She tracks his every move. Now, that is a bit extreme, if you ask me and definitely NOT a recipe to a happy marriage. It can be quite suffocating for the husband. The thing is, if you continue backing a person into a corner and making him or her feel trapped, one day, he or she might retaliate, break free and never turn back. How can one, in this case, the wife, live in constant fear? Fear is a dangerous thing. It can consume and destroy a person. Fear also has the ability to eliminate any chance of happiness.
Someone had asked me before, what if the spouse suspects the other of having an affair? Shouldn’t they try to find out for certain? Well, my answer is –don’t! Don’t bother snooping around or spy on your spouse. Suspicion is a device of satan to create disharmony amongst married couples. It will create doubts in our mind the way it tried to create doubt in Prophet Ibrahim’s mind when he was commanded to sacrifice his son, Ismail.
You see, if our suspicion is wrong and our spouse finds out about it, it can very well wreck a happy marriage. Remember, no one likes to be accused if a crime that he or she didn’t commit.
“if you search for the faults of the people, you will corrupt them, or you will nearly corrupt them.” [Abu Daawood]
So how do we know if our spouse is being faithful to us? Honestly, to me, just leave to God Almighty. He is the Disposer of all affairs so let Him dispose of the matter. I know it’s easier said than done but for the sake of your sanity and happiness, you will just have to put your marriage in His Hands.
I am a believer of signs. I believe that God teaches us through His Signs sometimes. In those instances, we just need to open our eyes wider and see carefully. I have learnt that if God wants to show us something, it will be as clear as day. No snooping around or private investigator is needed. If we are not meant to see or know something, then trust me, even if we move mountains, we will not be in the know and the knowledge will not be revealed to us.
The thing is, it’s not just we need to trust our spouse but we also must trust God. We must always believe that God has our best interest at heart. Every day we pray and ask God to lead us on the straight path. So, trust the path that God puts us on. Sometimes, it is better for us not to know certain things as we probably are not equipped enough to handle the situation rationally. If God shows us the evidence of our spouse’s infidelity, only then should we decide on the next step to take, otherwise let sleeping dogs lie.
Rather than spending one’s waking time in making sure that one’s spouse is not or does not cheat, perhaps it is better to spend one’s time in trying to make each other happy. Work hard to find out what makes the marriage ticks and how to keep it interesting. Learn to love more rather than learn how to become a spy! Be happy. Life is too short to be in constant worry and fear of the unknown. If you want to meet your spouse in paradise, then find the correct recipe for Jannah and not settle for Hell………
“Those who patiently persevere, seeking the countenance of their Lord; Establish regular prayers; spend, out of (the gifts) We have bestowed for their sustenance, secretly and openly; and turn off evil with good: for such there is the final attainment of the (eternal) home,- gardens of perpetual bliss: they shall enter there, as well as the righteous among their fathers, their spouses, and their offspring: and angels shall enter unto them from every gate (with the salutation): “Peace unto you for that ye persevered in patience! Now how excellent is the final home!”
*this article originally was published on zaahara.com writer's corner. Zaahara.com is an online Islamic mall that offers many Islamic merchandises.