Sunday, 28 September 2014

I am only Human

“To hurt is as human as to breathe.”― J.K. Rowling.

One fine day, I was driving and I was feeling dejected and demoralised. Suddenly, a song came on the radio. I didn't know then the singer of the song but it was the lyrics that caught my attention.

"But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart"

Yup! That pretty summed up what I was feeling at that time.

Every one has their own battle to fight everyday. My on-going battle is trying to be a true Muslim and to share whatever little knowledge that I've acquired in my quest to correct myself.

I have to be honest, it hasn't been easy. It's not that I expected it to be but some days were just too much for me to bear. I'm only human and God has given me a very sensitive heart. I fight back when I'm angry or irritated but when I'm hurt, I would keep quiet and crawl into my shell and hibernate. I would avoid the person who had hurt me at all cost and for as long as I can until I feel that my heart has properly healed. But, how does one stay away from strangers who hurt one's feelings? You can't stay away from the world. Of course, one can become a recluse but that would beat the purpose of our creation.

Trust me, I know that people can be very mean and vicious with their words sometimes. Some criticism has the ability to destroy a person that's why there's a saying that 'a pen is mightier than a sword'. So, there will be days where my sanity hangs by a thread and my courage had plummeted to the ground. I too get affected by harsh criticisms about my efforts to try to spread the deen.

There were days when I feel that I just don't have the strength to carry on and I will hear whisperings telling me that I'm not qualified to share anything. I get whisperings to tell me to stop writing, which is how I mostly share my thoughts but I learnt a long time ago that the whisperings are the work of the devil, trying to dissuade anyone who wants to good so I have learnt to shoo it away but, how do I persuade my hurting heart? How do I pick myself up and find the courage to face the world again?

"Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, 'We believe,' and that they will not be tested? We did test those before them, and Allah will certainly know those who are true from those who are false" (Quran, 29: 2-3).

The first time I crashed and almost got burned, the Wise Owl shared with me the above Quranic verse. He also told me the story of Prophet Ayub, who remained steadfast in the face of adversity. Of course, me being me, had to argue with him and pointed out that Prophet Ayub is a prophet hence possessed the patience of a saint. I'm no saint. The Wise Owl then said, "sister, you are missing the point, it's not just about patience, it's about even the prophets were tested, so why should we be spared?". Oooooooo....

I also found out that I'm not alone in this. Those who shares the same journey and mission as me, also suffered the same fate sometimes. But despite that, I am thankful that each time I fall, God picks me up, fix my heart and show me the fruits of my sacrifices. Though my heart has many battle scars, it is still functioning perfectly, for now. He also sent people my way to help me along and I am very grateful for those people. 

So for those who has been hurt in their quest to share this beautiful religion, I can only share with you the advice that was given to me, Don't give up! If your intention is in the right place, God will watch over you and help you along the way. You may slipped, but that's God's way of showing you how to deal with the glitch. If you fall, get right back up and try again. You are never alone.....

"Verily, with every difficulty there is relief."
(Qur'an 94:5-6)

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