Sisterhood of the Masjid....

“A fast is not necessarily something we offer God, but it assists us in offering ourselves” ― Jen Hatmaker

            Every Ramadhan, I learn something new. Last year, I learnt about sisterhood and simple blessings. I survived yet another ‘buka puasa’ at the mosque behind my house and enjoyed every minute of it. It warmed my heart to learn that even though I am just an occasional visitor to the mosque, the ‘regulars’ still greeted me like I was one of them.

         There was one incident, where a tiny ‘tiff’ broke out in the women’s section. That night, my girls and I were sitting quietly in the second saf (row), waiting for isya prayers. The women section was filling up fast as it was almost time for prayers. A lady (not a regular either) came from behind and told my 8 year old daughter to leave her spot and pray at the back of the room. My daughter called out to me and repeated what this lady said to her. I looked up and asked the lady calmly, “what is the problem?” This lady insisted that my daughter is too young to be praying in the same row as the adults and the word she used was “tak sah” (it’s not valid). You can imagine my irritation but I kept reminding myself that I was in a holy place hence I need to control my temper. I silently repeated my mantra ‘anger is a tool of satan’ then, I simply looked at this lady and told her flatly, “NO”. 

        I can see that she was taken aback by my answer. She kept telling me that it was wrong and not allowed so I asked her, “not allowed by whom?” She then made the mistake of saying “our religion said so”. Now, I am NOT an expert on Islam but if you want to use the religion against me or my family, you better be well prepared to be interrogated. Lesson #1, never quote religion unless you are absolutely sure of the verses or hadith to support your argument. Lesson #2, never mess with a heavily pregnant mother bear with her cubs. 

      So, I asked her to quote me the verses of the Quran or hadith which say that children are not allowed to pray in the same row as the adults. She couldn’t. By now, the regular ladies were already behind me. 

      I told this lady that as far as I know, children are allowed to pray in the same row as the adults. Furthermore, it is good training for my children and I can keep an eye on them. So, until she can come up with a more concrete excuse, I suggested that she leave us be and concentrate on her prayers. I heard a chorus of agreement behind me. As much as I wanted to smile out of happiness for the support that I received, I kept a stern face. Seeing she was out-numbered, the lady grudgingly retreated to the back of the room.

       “The Similitude Of The Believers In Their Compassion, Mercy, And Affection Toward Each      Other Is Like A Single Body. When One Organ Ails, The Whole Body Suffers And Reacts.”

    (Bukhari)

     “The Faithful Are Like A Single Body: If His Eye Suffers, Then His Constitution Will Suffer; And If  He Has A Headache, Then His Whole System Will Suffer.”

    (Muslim)

            Somehow, a bond of sisterhood of the masjid was forged that night. The sisterhood consisted of the veterans as well as the young. The ladies didn't know me that well but that didn't stop them from coming to my aid. Their unconditional acceptance of me, touched me to the core. I felt humbled.

         This year, however, my schedule is being dictated by a very bossy 7 months old toddler. Bringing her to the mosque is not an option as her cries can be heard from two blocks away. I think that even the strong bond of the mosque sisterhood can’t save me from the wrath of the other ladies if I were to bring my baby. Hence, this year, I sat quietly at home . 

            Feeling rather blue, I decided to speak to the Wise Owl about not being able to the join the terawih prayers at the mosque and my inability to do other ‘extra’ things during the holy month of Ramadhan. The Wise Owl told me, “Sister, don’t worry too much because God wants you to concentrate on other things this Ramadhan. He is the best Disposer of affairs”. The Wise Owl said that instead of getting all stressed out about not being able to do the ‘additional’ things, it is better for me to try to perfect the things that I have been doing all these while. The Wise Owl also added that taking care of my bears cubs is also a form of worship since I’m doing it for the sake of God and it is even more meaningful in the month of Ramadhan. 

    Narrated `Aisha رضى الله عنها: Allah’s Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم  said, “Do good deeds     properly, sincerely and moderately and know that your deeds will not make you enter Paradise, and that the most beloved deed to Allah’s is the most regular and constant even though it were little.” …

Sahih Bukhari

    Hurrmmm....the Wise Owl does have a point. This year, even though I miss the company of the sisterhood of the masjid, my heart is at peace. I learnt that it's not the quantity of the worship that counts but rather the quality. As mothers, we do what we can with the time that we have. Like the Wise Owl said, God is the best Disposer of affairs.  I no longer feel like a lesser Muslim. I still have the opportunity search for the night of power……InshaAllah..

Things We Take for Granted.

"The more often we see the things around us - even the beautiful and wonderful things - the more they become invisible to us. That is why we often take for granted the beauty of this world: the flowers, the trees, the birds, the clouds - even those we love. Because we see things so often, we see them less and less."Joseph B. Wirthlin

The things we take for granted daily...

To breathe without support the moment we wake up...
To be able to wake up with agility every morning...
The ability to see God's creations and our loved ones...
The ability to hear...
The ability to drink and eat with ease...
The ability to perform ‘toilet' duties everyday unassisted and with ease...
The ability to speak and communicate with others....
Our parents.....
Our spouse...
Our kids...
Our true friends...

Clean water..
Clean air....
....God......

Keeping the Hijab

“Modesty is invisibility...Never forget it. To be seen—to be seen—is to be...penetrated. What you must be girls, is impenetrable.” ― Margaret Atwood,

Even during my ignorant days, I knew that donning the hijab is compulsory for a Muslim woman. Actually, covering of the awra is not just about covering one's head but it's also about preserving one's modesty.

One of the things that kept me back from wearing the hijab was that I was afraid of becoming unpopular amongst friends and guys. You must understand that in the year 1990, things were very much different from now. Young women with hijab were either from an Islamic school or very strict family background. I was neither. Also, during that time, hijab was not as fashionable as it is now.

Anyway, I was 20 years old when I decided to wear hijab. To tell you honestly, making the decision and the act of wearing hijab was not difficult at all but keeping the hijab on proved to be somewhat of a challenge. I did get the urge to take it off but I persisted. Back then, most of my friends were not wearing hijab so I kinda felt alone but I knew that I had to be strong in sticking to my decision.

Once, a member of our extended family commented that I looked ugly in hijab. As much as I wanted to slap her silly, I refrained because she was very much older than me  so instead I told her to mind her own business and not to be bothered with the way I looked. Still, I must admit that her comment did create a grain of doubt in my heart. What if no men wants to marry me because they find me unattractive in hijab? Will I end up an old maid with only my cat mourning my death?

Allah keeps firm those who believe, with the firm word, in worldly life and in the Hereafter. And Allah sends astray the wrongdoers. And Allah does what He wills.”
Surah Ibrahim 14:27

In the end, I told my heart to stop doing flip flop and trust God's commandments. My intention to wear the hijab was to please Him not people. If I take care of my relationship with Him then He will take care of me. My hijab is a constant reminder of who I am.

"So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief:"

Surah Al Sharh 94:5

My advice to my sisters, if you have just started wearing hijab, just ignore any negative comments that you get. If a man dislike you because of your hijab then he is not fit to be your imam. As queen, you deserve to have the best possible king, one who will love you for your inner beauty rather than your appearance.

If any of your friends or family members say that you look ugly or unattractive, just remember that it is not them that you need to please plus it could be they are feeling envious. If your friends leave you then they are not true friends after all and rest assure that God will send you new and better friends.

If you haven't don the hijab but have been thinking about it, close your eyes, take a deep breath and just do it. There isn't any need to ponder or over think matters. Ignore the doubts and the satanic whisperings. Trust me, you won't regret it. It could very well be that you have made one of the best decisions in your life.....

On Learning and Teaching Islam: Keep it Simple!

“Like all magnificent things, it’s very simple.” ― Natalie Babbitt,

I am a firm believer that Islam is simple. Islam is the easiest religion to understand and to follow, at least, in my opinion that is. We have to worship only one God that is Allah SWT; we have to follow only one book of reference, that is Quran and we have to obey only one prophet, that is Prophet Muhammad pbuh. Quite simple isn’t it?

Our scripture i.e. the Quran, contains everything we need to know about life, death and after-life. It is also very clear on the do’s and don’t’s. The holy Quran is a complete guide to mankind. The only problem for people like me, is that, I am not an Arab hence I don’t speak or write or read Arabic. To understand the holy Quran in its original language is a no-no for me so I have to rely heavily on translations. Trust me, I would give up my jewels to be able to read, speak and write Arabic but alas, I can’t. I know a few words here and there but that is hardly sufficient. I did try to learn the language but being a mother to five boisterous kids does not give me much free time to pursue my desire to learn.

Still, not understanding the language is not an excuse for me to study the Quran. The funny thing is, whilst I can recite the Quran in Arabic, I have no clue as to what I am reciting and you know what, somehow, deep in my heart, I know that I am not alone . There are others like me.

I have always been a simple person. I see things in black and white and rarely in grey. I am very direct (too direct sometimes) and I don’t beat around the bush. When it comes to learning, I prefer a teacher who simplifies things for me so that I can appreciate what is being taught and commit it directly to memory.  Similarly with religion, I want a teacher who teaches in a manner which I can understand and relate to. I would prefer the teacher to come down to my level of understanding and work her or his way up together with me rather than the teacher expecting me to meet their high standards. That, to me, is the true spirit of teaching and learning.

I used to get very irritated (I still do sometimes!) when a person speaks to me about Islam and uses Arabic jargon and words that I have absolutely no clue what it means. If the intention of that person was to impress me, well I can tell you that I was not and will not be the least bit impress. Like I said, I am NOT an Arab so I don’t know Arabic. My Arabic vocabulary is limited to ‘yes’ and ‘no’. I know hell is ‘jahanam’ and heaven is ‘jannah’. I have been taught a few curse words in Arabic by a friend but I don’t think so it’s polite to write it down here. I always ended up asking that person if they can repeat whatever that was said, either in English or Malay so I can actually understand what they were going on about.

I have never been one to follow things blindly so in the past, I never put up my hands for ‘dua’ that was recited in Arabic unless there was a translation. I have been given the ‘look’ by some ‘ustaz’ when I requested that they repeat their ‘dua’ in Malay or English so that I can understand. To me then, it made perfect sense. I must know what it is that I am asking from God and why I am saying ‘ameen’ for. Unfortunately to them, I was just being difficult.

You see, the way I see it, if we want people to learn about Islam and fall in love with the religion, we need to teach, share or whatever term you want to call it, in the language that they can connect and understand. Similarly with writing. Write in simple language so that simple people like me, can understand. I am not dumb, I just like things to be simple and I am sure there are many like me out there.

My advice to those who wish to speak or write about Islam (myself included) with the intention of sharing Islamic knowledge with others, whether Muslims or non Muslims, please make it simple. Use normal vocabulary that the common people from the street can understand. You are not writing a thesis for the university or an essay for the Islamic scholars  but instead you are writing with the intention of calling people to this beautiful religion, Islam. All your efforts will be futile if no one understood you, let alone remember, what you said. You might as well be talking to the wall, at least, you will hear your echo bouncing off from the bricks rather than a deafening silence.

Narrated Anas bin Malik: The Prophet said, “Make things easy for the people, and do not make it difficult for them, and make them calm (with glad tidings) and do not repulse (them ).”  Sahih Bukhari.

Never assume and never judge. I know that it is highly encouraged for us, especially the Muslims, to learn Arabic, since it being the language of the holy Quran but not everyone have the means in terms of time or even money, to learn another language. So, be kind and considerate.

What I am trying to say is do not make it difficult for people to understand Islam. Do not complicate things. To me, there is no point in having such a vast knowledge if you can’t benefit others with it.

The Prophet also said: “Knowledge from which no benefit is derived is like a treasure out of which nothing is spent in the cause of God.” – Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 108

When people understand, they are able to appreciate the teachings and hence follow willingly. Don’t turn people off  or turn them away from the religion by making it difficult. Keep it simple and you will be awarded handsomely, InshaAllah.

*this article originally was published in zaahara-writerscorner.com

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Dear Heart....

“Oft hope is born when all is forlorn.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien

Many many many moons ago, I felt that my life was a complete mess. Everything that could go have gone wrong, went wrong and problems were cropping up like wild mushrooms on a damp soil after a heavy rain. I felt overwhelmed and defeated. There were times that I was tempted to walk away because I just couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Ironically, that was also the time when I was trying to learn more about Islam. 

As I sat in front of the Wise Owl, feeling dejected, I told him about the conflicted feeling that I was experiencing. You see, I was trying very hard to have faith in God’s plan and accept fate but at the same time I couldn’t help feeling that He wasn’t listening to my duas. I felt let down. I know that a Muslim should not have such feelings but I still felt disgruntled. It’s like a child being angry with her parents. She still loves and respects her parents but she is angry with them, nevertheless. 

I told the Wise Owl that by feeling like I did, I felt that I have failed as a Muslim and that my eaman was actually at rock bottom but the thing is, I couldn’t help feeling what I felt. Does that make me a bad Muslim? Have I strayed off path? Am I being ungrateful? Am I destined to eternal hell? 

Instead of scolding me or giving me a sermon on how a good Muslim should have absolute and unconditional faith in God Almighty, he simply told me, “sister, be happy. You are only human. You are not expected to be perfect. The most important thing is how you deal with the negative feelings that you have. Strengthening of the eaman takes time. It cannot happen overnight. In the mean time, you will have your ups and downs. God is merciful. He knows your weaknesses and limitations. He will never place a burden on you more than you can bear. So, trust me, whatever it is that you are going through, God knows that you can shoulder it and pass with flying colors. You must, not only have faith in God but also in yourself. After all, we human are His best creations.”

           

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…”  

Surah Al Baqara 2:286

Then, what the Wise Owl told me next completely blew me away. He said that even Prophets had whisperings of the heart. Our mind will tell us what is right but our heart is the one that is filled with emotions and feelings and sometimes, the heart doesn’t listen to the mind. At times, the heart needs persuasion and reassurance.

“And when Abraham said (unto his Lord): My Lord! Show me how Thou givest life to the dead, He said: Dost thou not believe? Abraham said: Yea, but (I ask) in order that my heart may be at ease. (His Lord) said: Take four of the birds and cause them to incline unto thee, then place a part of them on each hill, then call them, they will come to thee in haste, and know that Allah is Mighty, Wise.”

Surah Al Baqara 2:260                             

Honestly, I felt sooo much better after that. I didn’t feel like an ogre anymore for feeling despaired and having doubts. I might be wrong but to me, there is nothing wrong in finding answer to calm the heart. It is better to soothe an unsettled heart rather than to pretend to have unwavering faith when in reality everything is hanging by a thread. I also learnt that as human, we will definitely be tested by God Almighty. Why should we be spared when even our beloved Prophet Muhammad pbuh faced trials and tribulations and mind you, our tests are not even close to what Prophet pbuh went through.

“Do men imagine that they will be left (at ease) because they say, We believe, and will not be tested with affliction?”

Surah Al Ankaboot 29:2

Now looking back, I believe that my despair and doubts at that time, indirectly strengthened my faith. When my heart questioned, I looked for answers and the answers I found made me understand more. Each time I found answers, I had renewed hope. Of course, I had to ask for forgiveness for the anger that I felt but I have to believe that God will forgive my inadequacies and imperfections. Don't feel bad if your heart questions as it could be a process of learning and understanding.

Even now, sometimes my heart still questions and become uneasy but the trick  is to look for that silver lining behind the clouds. Trust me, it’s there. We just have to look harder…..

"What has reached you was never meant to miss you and what has missed you was never meant to reach you." Prophet Muhammad pbuh

To Him we shall return...

“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” ― Marcus Aurelius.

When I was small, I refused to set foot in a cemetery. Why? Thanks to a movie called 'Salem's Lot', I was terrified of seeing eerie looking ghost floating around their tomb.

Now, many years on, I wouldn't say that I've become brave but suffice to say that I'm not terrified anymore. Today, as I stood at the cemetery, at my uncle's funeral, holding an umbrella, shielding my mum, under the scorching sun, I couldn't help but wonder when the angel of death would be knocking on my door.

Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion.
Surah Al Imran 3:185

How will my soul be taken? Gently or by force? Will the angel of death greet me with Salam or will it scowl at me? Will my soul be wrapped in wonderful smelling cloth or in a pungent wrapper? Will I survive the interrogation in the grave?

Al-Bara reported: We went out with the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, for the funeral of a man from among the helpers. We came to the grave and when he was placed in the ground, the Messenger of Allah sat down and we sat around him, quiet as if there were birds on our heads. In his hand he had a stick with which he was scratching the ground. Then the Prophet raised his head and said, “Seek refuge with Allah from the torment of the grave,” two or three times. Then he said, “When the believing servant is about to depart this world and enter the Hereafter, angels down to him from heaven with white faces like the sun, and they sit around him as far as the eye can see. They bring with them shrouds from Paradise and perfumes from Paradise. Then the angel of death comes and sits by his head, and he says: O good soul, come forth to forgiveness from Allah and His pleasure. Then it comes out easily like a drop of water from the mouth of a pitcher. When he seizes it, they do not leave it in his hand for an instant before they take it and put it in a shroud with that perfume, and there comes from it a fragrance like the finest musk on the face of the earth. Then they ascend and they do not pass by any group of angels but they say: Who is this good soul? They say: It is so-and-so the son of so-and-so, calling him by the best names with which he was known in this world, until they reach the lowest heaven. They ask for it to be opened and it is opened for them, and the soul is welcomed and accompanied to the next heaven by those who are closest to Allah, until they reach the seventh heaven. Then Allah says: Record the book of My servant in the noble book in the seventh heaven, and return him to the earth;  from it I created them, to it I will return them and from it I will bring them forth once again. So his soul is returned to his body and there come to him two angels who make him sit up and they say to him: Who is your Lord? He says: Allah. They say: What is your religion? He says: My religion is Islam. They say: Who is this man who was sent among you? He says: He is the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him. They say: What did you do? He says: I read the Book of Allah and I believed in it. Then a voice calls out from heaven: My servant has spoken the truth, so prepare for him a bed from Paradise and clothe him from Paradise, and open for him a gate to Paradise. Then there comes to him some of its fragrance, and his grave is made wide as far as he can see; and then there comes to him a man with a handsome face, handsome clothes and a good fragrance, who says: Receive the glad tidings that will bring you joy this day. He says: Who are you? Your face is a face which brings glad tidings. He says: I am your righteous deeds. He says: O Lord, hasten the Hour so that I may return to my family and my wealth. However, when the disbelieving servant is about to depart this world and enter the Hereafter, angels come down to him from heaven with black faces, bringing sackcloth, and they sit around him as far as the eye can see. Then the angel of death comes and sits by his head, and he says: O evil soul, come forth to the wrath of Allah and His anger. Then his soul disperses inside his body and comes out cutting the veins and nerves, like a skewer passing through wet wool. When he seizes it, they do not leave it in his hand for an instant before they take it and put it in that sackcloth, and there comes from it a stench like the foulest stench of a dead body on the face of the earth. Then they ascend and they do not pass by any group of angels but that they say: Who is this evil soul? They say: It is so-and-so the son of so-and-so, calling him by the worst names by which he was known in this world, until they reach the lowest heaven. They ask for it to be opened and it is not opened for them.” Then the Messenger of Allah recited the verse, “For them the gates of heaven will not be opened, and they will not enter Paradise until the camel goes through the eye of the needle (7:40).” He continued, “Then Allah says: Record the book of My servant in the evil book in the lowest earth, and return him to the earth; from it I created them, to it I will return them and from it I will bring them forth once again. So his soul is cast down.”  Then the Messenger of Allah recited the verse, “Whoever assigns partners to Allah, it is as if he had fallen from the sky and the birds had snatched him, or the wind had thrown him to a far off place (22:31).” He continued, “Then his soul is returned to his body, and there come to him two angels who make him sit up and they say to him: Who is your Lord? He says: Oh, oh, I don’t know. They say: What is your religion? He says: Oh, oh, I don’t know. Then a voice calls out from heaven: Prepare for him a bed from Hell and clothe him from Hell, and open for him a gate to Hell. Then there comes to him some of its heat and hot winds, and his grave is constricted and compresses him until his ribs interlock. Then there comes to him a man with an ugly face, ugly clothes, and a foul stench, who says: Receive the bad news, for this is the day that you were promised. He says: Who are you? Your face is a face of evil. He says: I am your evil deeds. He says: O Lord, do not let the Hour come! Do not let the Hour come!”
Hadith Ahmad.

Bbbrrrrr....Reading the above hadith gave me the shivers. It's true that we do not know how or when we will die but one thing we do know is how to work towards the possibility of experiencing a beautiful death.

We should, not only prepare for our life on earth but also for our death and hereafter. Do not postpone repentance. Make the necessary sacrifices or changes that is needed in order to be a better servant of God. Do not assume that we will have tomorrow. Never take for granted the time that we have.

It is Allah Who takes away the souls at the time of their death, and those that die not during their sleep. He keeps those (souls) for which He has ordained death and sends the rest for a term appointed. Verily, in this are signs for a people who think deeply.
Surah Az Zumar 39:42

That day at the cemetery, thankfully I didn't see any floating ghost or lost soul but I was still haunted. I am now haunted by the mere thought of how the angel of death will claim my soul when my time comes. I pray that it will be gentle with me..ameen...

Great Expectations

“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are” - Donald Miller,

The Wise Owl used to tell me to stop having expectations. He used to tell me, "sister, don't expect anything from God Almighty as He will give when He decides to give. Don't expect anything from people as they may not measure up when you want them to. When you don't have expectations, everything good is a bonus." I must admit that what he said is so very true.

Recently, God decided to cross my path with a group a people from a completely different walk of life. When I first met them, the Wise Owl's advice immediately came into mind. So instead of trying to read them by the way they were dressed, like I was trained to, I opened up my heart and my ears. MasyaAllah! I found them to be truly gifted people. They taught me a thing or two about love, honesty and loyalty. Most of all, they showed me the true meaning of sincerity.

Every time God throws a person in my path, I know that I'm supposed to learn something from him or her. I met a couple who dedicate their entire waking hours thinking of ways to do good deeds. To me,  they give a new meaning to the phrase 'living life to the fullest'. I must admit how I envy their ability to do good.

Abu Hurairah reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said:"Allah does not look at your appearances or your financial status, but He looks at your hearts and your actions."  (Al-Bukhari)

If you think about it, when we have expectations, we are in fact judging a person in accordance to our own standards. If that person didn't measure up then we deemed him or her as a failure and we get disappointed or upset. Truthfully, it is us who have actually failed. We failed to accept people as they are, limitations and all.

Now, I truly understand that when it comes to life, my teacher does not  necessarily have to be an Islamic scholar or someone who memorized the holy Quran. Anyone can be your teacher. It's just a matter of whether you are humbled enough to be a student. I had a stranger who came to me, one day, asking me to not stop writing as my ramblings had helped her. She in turn, had taught me to hope when I was at the brink of giving up.  

Like I said, anyone can be your teacher. In fact, to me, the best teachers are the ones who touched your heart and leaves a mark, whoever he or she might be.....