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“The more we love the more we lose. The more we lose the more we learn. The more we learn the more we love. It comes full circle. Life is the school, love is the lesson. We cannot lose.” ― Kate McGahan

Today, we got a disturbing news that one of our neighbours had passed away. She was one of my favourite elderly neighbour. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and passed away a few days after that.

I was shocked when I heard the news as I only saw her last week, doing her usual walk. She always waved and smiled at me whenever I drove by.

The news of death always jarrs me back to the reality that we are living on borrowed time. It kinda put things into perspective......well...at least until I get distracted again.

There a Malay saying that once we've reached the age of 40,  we've already have one foot in the grave. What the saying means is not that once we hit 40, we are as good as dead but it's a reminder that age is catching up and we should spend our remaining time wisely.

Nothing is certain except death and nothing is permanent except hereafter. We must find a balance between living in this world and preparing for hereafter.

It's easy to get swept away with the daily chores and routine but God do sends us signs, from time to time, to remind us that one day, we will return to Him.

" Who, when disaster strikes them, say, "Indeed we belong to Allah , and indeed to Him we will return."

Surah Al Baqara 2:156

Last Ramadhan, I suffered a minor heart attack. At first, I couldn't believe that it was happening to me because apart from being chubby, I was in good health. I did my regular check-ups and even my mammogram. But, God knows best. 

Even though it was a minor attack, I received an earful of lecture from my doctor friend, whom till today, I feel indebted to for being there when I needed her. She told me that I needed to slow down and watch my diet or risked a second attack! I was kinda over-worked the weeks prior to the attack.

Truth be told, I wasn't sure that I would last another month let alone another year. I am thankful that God had decided to 'extend my lease' but that spurred me into completing things that I was supposed to do. It also made me look differently at life. Recently, a friend taught me a new hashtag......#JOM which literally means 'lets'. Lets march ahead and allow nothing to hold us back from striving to be the best that we can be. (Happy to say that I know how to use hashtags now!)

Now, for certain I know that life is short. Spend time with your loved ones, as much as you can. Love and be loved. Learn to forgive and forget. Stay away from toxic people. Don't be petty. Make sure that you have investments for hereafter. Don't cling to worldly material stuff as you can't bring them to your grave. Charity also means spending time doing good. Appreciate true friends and respect everyone, even your enemies. Learn to leave the past behind and be positive about the future.  Always try to be better.

Most important thing of all.....check your connection with God. Is it still intact?

" Ibn Abbas reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Take advantage of five before five: your youth before your old age, your health before your illness, your riches before your poverty, your free time before your work, and your life before your death.”

Hadith Ahmad

Feeling of belonging...

“Helping someone feel they belong is a magic all its own.” ― Seth Adam Smith,


I believe that everything happens for a reason. Incident and accidents are lessons to be learnt as such I try as much of possible pay attention in 'class'.

I do look forward going to Islamic courses and conferences as I get quite a bit of gem from it but there's a downside to it. I don't know about others but whenever I listened to the lectures by the respected scholars and I looked at the people around me, I always feel like a hypocrite. Let's face it, I'm no saint, in fact far from it! I know that I am no where near the ideal Muslim described by the scholars. Every day is a constant struggle for me to stay on path. Don't get me wrong, I do feel inspired by the lectures to be better and to do more but I also feel at times that it's such an impossible feat to be that ideal Muslim described by the scholars. I always come out of the lecture theatres feeling that I'm doomed to hell. Sigh!

 Have you ever felt that you don't belong anywhere? Well, I did. I no longer belong to my past life but I've yet to be become the person whom I would like to be. I felt lost sometimes because I felt like I was in-between lives. Neither here nor there. I couldn't find the correct group of people to try to fit it.  In a way, I felt like I'm was a traveller in a huge airport, who has not reached her destination, hence, always in transit and amongst strangers. 

Then, one day, God sent me to a group of people who are not scholars but their life mission is to spread His Words and the teachings of Prophet Muhammad pbuh. They don't preach but instead they encourage others to do good. 

"The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) was reportedly asked: “Which of our companions are best?” He replied: “One whose appearance reminds you of God, and whose speech increases you in knowledge, and whose actions remind you of the hereafter.”

It was then that I finally understood. 

The purpose of me being at the lectures and conferences is not to feel like a failure but to increase my knowledge in Islam. Thenafter, Allah sent me ordinary people as teachers, to teach me how to put the knowledge that I acquired, to good use. I understand now that I may never be a Hafiz or an ustadha or even a scholar in Islam but that's okay. I don't know who or what I will be in the future but I do know that God will not forsake me for as long as my intentions are sincere. I also understand now that I belong where my heart is and inshaAllah, my heart is with Him.

Every one has his/her own journey to take and each journey is unique in its own way. One thing that I realised is that, even after all these years, I'm still trying to be a Muslim and that's, not a bad thing....

Abu Huraira reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

Allah the Exalted says: I am as my servant expects me and I am with him as he remembers me. If he remembers me in himself, then I will remember him in myself. If he mentions me in a gathering, then I will mention him in a greater gathering. When he draws near to me by the span of his hand, I draw near him by the length of a cubit. When he draws near me by the length of a cubit, I draw near him by the length of a fathom. When he comes to me walking, I will come to him running.

Hadith Bukhari