Tuesday, 28 January 2014

Post Manic Depressive

"No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.”
― Heraclitus

This happens to me EVERY time without fail. Each time after I come back from the holy cities, I would be terribly depress for a couple of days and this time is no exception.

At first I thought I was weird or gone cuckoo because almost everyone whom I spoke to, came back happy and elated. No one spoke about bing sad or unhappy so what is wrong with me? My depression was so bad that I was literally moping around the house for weeks. My forlorn mood persisted until I found the courage to speak to the Wise Owl about it.  I dare not speak to others for fear that they will say that there is something wrong with heart or that God has rejected my umra hence that is why I'm feeling blue. Telling me that my umra was imperfect was not something I would like to hear.

When I confronted the Wise Owl, he simply smiled and told me I am not weird but quite normal. Phew! That's good news!

Anyway, the Wise Owl said that the depression is normal. He said that whilst I was there, my soul was used to the peacefulness and tranquillity of the Holy cities that it longs for the same even when I'm back home. Unfortunately, once I'm home, it's difficult to find peace with my chaotic schedule.

The Wise Owl said that it is easy to devote one's self entirely to worship when one is in the Holy cities but the real test is to continue the devotion when one has returned home. Sometimes, the heart gets frustrated because a person can't spend the same amount of time in worship once back home. That frustration also contributes towards the depression.

Somehow, what the Wise Owl said makes perfect sense to me. I'm glad I'm not a weirdo and now I'm able to deal with my post-umra depression better now that I understand why I'm feeling sad. My moping has been cut down to 2 days instead of weeks. I still do get weepy looking at the Kaaba but I don't turn into a wailing banshee so that's progress. Now I just tell my heart to be patient because In Sha Allah, we will be given the opportunity again to visit the Holy cities...Ameen......

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