Alhamdulillah....the journey to remain on Path is never easy. Every struggle is a step closer. Every obstacle is a stepping stone.
My heartfelt thank you to those who have been supporting me relentlessly. With His Will and the love that I received, this book is finally out.
“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.”
― Edith Lovejoy Pierce
Last week, someone asked me about my resolutions for the New Islamic year.
Frankly, I've never been one to make new year resolutions as I am horrible at keeping it. It would be utterly pointless for me. Sigh!
As for me, the end of the year (Islamic year, that is) is the time for me to reflect on the things that I've done, both good and bad. I try to tally things up. I try to imagine standing on Judgment, watching my deeds being weighed. Will my good deeds be heavier or my bad deeds? Brrr...chills run down my spine just thinking about it!
This year, when I reflected on what I have done, I found myself feeling tremendously grateful and thankful. There were things that I wanted to do but didn't quite manage to do it. There were things that I never planned or intended to do but I did. Indeed, God is the best Planner, He is Al-Wakil, the best Disposer of Affairs.
“And whatever of blessings and good things you have, it is from Allah” [al-Nahl 16:53].
One of the things that I am thankful for is the sisterhood bond that I get from both my book and gardening club. Who would thought that a group of perfect strangers, would end up to be my pillars of support.
I've always been nerdy. I have this deep fascination and love affair with books. During my uni years, most of my time was spent in the library or hibernating in my room with a book. I love the smell of books in the library. I also love museums.
When watching the cartoon 'Beauty and the Beast', while everyone else was gushing over the majestic castle, I was busy salivating over the library with the thousands of books and the rolling ladder.
When I first stepped foot in my university library, I felt that I had died and gone to book heaven. The musty smell of the leather-bound old books, was so intoxicating that I felt I wanted to stay there forever. Some people do think of me as weird hence you have no idea how happy I was to find 'some bodies' as weird and nerdy as I am.
As for my gardening club, now that's something that I didn't plan to do. Getting dirt on my fingers or all sweaty is definitely NOT my favourite past time but lo and behold, these sisters had somewhat convinced me that soil won't kill me and that I do not have a black thumb. Hence, begun a very green and fruitful relationship.
I still do scream like a banshee at the sight of a frog or bugs but at least I've managed to grow a couple of plants and trees all on my own. Trust me, for a 'diva' like me, that's a HUGE achievement.
So, for this new year, I do not have any resolutions but only hope that the sisterhood bonds that were created, that I've been so fortunate to be apart of, will last for a lifetime. Ameen...
The Prophet (pbuh) said: “Souls are like crowds, which gather together. The ones who met before get along well. The ones who did not meet before, cannot get along very well and separate.” (Bukhari & Muslim).
“Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.” ― Socrates
One night, a sister whom I know, called me sounding very distressed. It seems that someone had started a rumour about her that affected the perception of her friends towards her. She tried to dispel the rumours and explained the truth but her friends didn't want to hear it. She asked me what she should do.
I'm sure that some of us had been victims of vicious gossip that turned into a rumour. It's never nice to hear nasty things spoken about us especially if it's untrue. Some rumours can be downright malicious.
I have read about cases whereby the victim of the rumours committed suicide because they could not take the pressure of being ridiculed, scorned at or ostracized.
Now, that's how dangerous a simple gossip or backbitting can be. A gossip can turn into a rumour and a rumour can be very lethal.
O you who have believed, if there comes to you a disobedient one with information, investigate, lest you harm a people out of ignorance and become, over what you have done, regretful.
Qur'an 49:6
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has forbidden you to disobey your mothers, to bury your daughters alive, to not pay the rights of others and to beg from others. And He dislikes gossip for you, asking too many questions, and wasting money.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2231.
Sometimes, we might think what we spoke about was harmless but truthfully, it will harm us more than the person whom we spoke about.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “A man might speak a word without thinking about its implications, but because of it, he will plunge into the Hellfire further than the distance between the east and west.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (6477) and Sahîh Muslim (2988)]
This would also apply to the sharing of news or information on Facebook, WhatsApps or other social media. We must be careful not to slander anyone.
The question is, how can we stop others from creating rumours about us? Honestly, we can't. While we can control our own tongue, we can't control others. There is a Malay saying, "Mulut tempayan boleh ditutup tetapi bagaimana dengan mulut manusia". Which basically means you can put a lid on a crock but not on people's mouth.
So, what do you do? Simple....just ignore it. Don't lose sleep over it. The mantra 'ignorance is a bliss' would be very handy here. Truth is, people would still talk regardless. Just think of it as a blessing instead. I know you must be shaking your head at me....How can a nasty rumour be a blessing? Well....let me tell you how it works... on judgment day, the person who started the rumours and slandered you will end up giving his or her rewards to you and if there's no more rewards to be transferred then that person will take over all your sins.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “The one who is bankrupt from among my followers is he who comes on the Day of Resurrection with prayer, charity, and fasting to his credit. However, he had insulted this person, struck that person, and seized the wealth of another, on account of which his good deeds will be taken from him. Then, if his good deeds are exhausted, the sins of those whom he wronged will be taken from them and foisted upon him and then he will be cast into the Fire.”
[Sahîh Muslim (2581)]
I'm no saint and I have made mistakes in the past but the idea of giving away precious brownie points that I had painstakingly collected, does not sit very well with me. So, let this be a constant reminder to you and me, not be among the 'bankrupt'.
So in the end, I told the sister to just relax and do nothing about the rumour mongers. After all, they are giving away their rewards to her and if she's really lucky, they might even carry her sins!
"Allahu akbar kabira walhamdu lillahi kathira wasubhanallahhi bukratau waasila. Wajjahtu wajhia lillazi fataras sama wati wal ardha hanifam muslima wama ana minal musyrikin. Inna solati wanusuki wamahyaya wammamati lillahi rabbil’alamin. La syarikalahu wabiza lika umirtu wa ana minal muslimin."
"Allah is ever greatest, Much praise be to Allah. Glory to Him morning and evening. I turn may face to Him who created the heavens and earth, a pure montheist, in submission , and am not of those who associate others with Him. My prayer, worship, life, and death are for Allah, Lord of the Worlds, who has no partner. Thus I have been commanded, and I am of those who submit."
This is the dua that we recite at the opening of our prayers. For years, I recited it without knowing the meaning. One fine day, many many years ago, I finally found out from the Wise Owl the meaning of the dua. To be honest, I've never felt like a big fat liar like I did that day.
Here's the reason why. In the dua, I'm actually making a declaration to God Almighty that 'my prayer, worship and life is for Him'. Is that true? Well, I can safely say that it's not. If my life had been for Him, then, I wouldn't have done the things I did before. I knew that I needed to stop lying to my Creator.
So, I stopped reciting the dua in fear of God's wrath towards me for being a liar and a hypocrite. I dare not make promises that I can't keep or guarantee that I can ensure that 'My prayer, worship, life, and death are for Allah, Lord of the Worlds'. Is that even possible in this current time?
It wasn't until when I went for hajj that I had the guts to start reciting the dua again. It was my intention to devote my 43 days in Holy land for Him and tried I did. Whether it was enough or even accepted, I leave it entirely to Him. I figured that even if I incur the wrath of God and die, at least I died trying, in the Holy land.
During hajj, all I did was pray, dhikr, recite Qur'an, eat, sleep and performed other sunnah acts, every single day. It became my daily routine. My entire time there was entirely devoted to Him. It was only then I realised that to be able to give 100% of one's time to Him is actually a blessing and privilege given by Him to His servants. He removes all obstacles and worries from the person so that the heart is at peace and is able to worship Him better.
If you ever come across the opportunity, grab it and don't waste it as you may not get a second chance.
To me, to be able to devote one's entire time in worship without worries or obstacles was nothing short of a miraculous gift. It was sheer bliss.
I would give anything to have that privilege again but alas it's not just possible. Perhaps, that's why they call it 'a journey of a lifetime'. Still, I harbour the hope and dream of getting a second or even third chance again...Ameen.....
"So remember Me; I will remember you. And be grateful to Me and do not deny Me."
Qur'an 2:152
“Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.” ― H.L. Mencken,
I used to sing this song by Michael Jackson..."I always feel like, somebody's watching me....". At that time, little did I know how true the lyrics are.
When I was small I remember learning about the angels on the right and left side of our shoulders whose task is to write down every single thing that we do. Of course, that bit of info was conveniently forgotten as I was growing up.
" Behold, two (guardian angels) appointed to learn (his doings) learn (and noted them), one sitting on the right and one on the left. Not a word does he utter but there is a sentinel by him, ready (to note it)."
Qur'an 50: 17-18
" But verily over you (are appointed angels) to protect you,- Kind and honourable,- Writing down (your deeds):"
Qur'an 80: 10-11
Are we truly aware of the angels writing down all of our actions and deeds? Has that fact prevented us to committing sins in private or when we think no one is watching? Are we truly conscious of God Almighty watching us 24-7?
In some places, we see cctv cameras being placed as a reminder to people that they're being watched. It's also as a deterrent to would- be criminals. If a crime was committed and it was captured on camera, chances are, the culprit can be apprehended.
The hard truth is, when we see a camera pointing at us, we try to be at our best behaviour because we get self-conscious but why do we always forget about the 24-7 surveillance on our shoulders?
Some say 'seeing is believing' but for Muslims, to believe has everything to do with Faith.
I have to remind myself, the next time I want to say or do anything, think of what the angels will write.....
The Prophet pbuh said “Whoever intended to do a good deed, but did not do it, it is written for him as a complete good deed. If he actually performed the good deed then it is written as ten good deeds, or up to seven hundred times or more. If a person intended to do an evil deed, but did not do it, it is written as a good deed, while if he entertained the thought and acted on it, it is written as a single evil deed.”
Hadith Bukhari and Muslim
“The only journey is the one within.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke
Every year, since 2011, at about the same time, which is after Syawal, my depression would set in. I would feel like I'm being suck into dark oblivion and spiralling out of control. I would feel left out and left behind. All these symptoms will last about a month plus then slowly I would start to feel human again.
What am I blabbering about? Hajj season of course!
Every year, when I see or hear of friends or families going for hajj, I would feel happy for them then the envy will creep in and finally I would feel like I was not invited for a momentous event of a lifetime.
"Labaik allahuma labaik,
labaik la sharika laka labaik,
Innal hamda
wann'imat
laka wal mulk,
la sharika lah"
"O my Lord, here I am at Your service, here I am.
There is no partner with You,
here I am.
Truly the praise
and the provisions are Yours,
and so is the dominion and sovereignty.
There is no partner with You."
To be able to recite that in the Holy land is a privilege.
It is true when people say that performing hajj is like a journey of a lifetime. One thing for certain, your life will never be the same again.
Hajj is all about sacrifice. For me, it was sacrificing my own little comfort. I must admit that it was not easy at first, for me, especially during the first few days of wukuf. At one point of time, I felt like screaming because I was dirty and badly in need of a bath. I was as cranky as an old bear but I kept my mouth shut and tried my hardest to remain patient.
All those while, I clung the verse....
" Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease."
Qur'an 94:4
After our first throw at the Jamrat, we came out of our ihram and I finally had my much needed bath. It was one of the best showers I ever had in my life, all 5 minutes of it! Thenafter, I felt nothing can dampen my spirit and I can even climb Mount Everest. Thenafter, the discomfort did not bother me anymore. Thenafter, came ease..
The funny thing is, all those discomfort that I endured are actually my fond memories.
Each year, when I hear the call for hajj, my heart would ache with such longing. Given the chance, I would drop everything and perform hajj every year but alas only the 'invited' ones can go. That's why I always feel left behind. That makes me sad.
To be able to complete all the rituals of hajj patiently is a personal victory of being able to conquer our desires. For me then, success never tasted sweeter........
“Obstacles are things a person sees when he takes his eyes off his goal.” ― E. Joseph Cossman
Have you ever feel like your adrenalin is sky high during Ramadhan? That you feel so motivated to do many good deeds and sunnah acts and everything is made easy. Everyone around you is also encouraging others to do good and is supportive of your efforts. You don't feel alone because there are many others on the same journey with the same goal - to be a better Muslims.
Then come Syawal. You start to feel alone again. Gone are the pom pom girls and the cheerleaders who kept your spirits high. No one is standing at the side lines to cheer you on anymore. Gone are the words of wisdom and encouragement, even on Facebook!
Suddenly, you feel like it's a mammoth's task to keep continuing doing what you have been doing all the while during the month of Ramadhan. You start dragging your feet at the simplest sunnah act. Sounds familiar?
You then find that you don't spend the same amount of time reciting the Qur'an as you did before or that you're not as generous as before or that you're not performing the same number of sunnah prayers as you did before. Night prayers? Well ...that stopped when 'sahur' stopped.
So what happened?
One easy but lame excuse would be to blame it on satan which was chained during Ramadhan but now has been unleashed again. Blame satan! Satan has made us lazy. Yup! That would be the most convenient excuse but then again satan has no hold or influence on the believers.
" [Iblees] said, "Do You see this one whom You have honored above me? If You delay me until the Day of Resurrection, I will surely destroy his descendants, except for a few."
Qur'an 17:62
"Indeed, over My [believing] servants there is for you no authority. And sufficient is your Lord as Disposer of affairs."
Qur'an 17:65
So, did we stop believing?
The truth is I think, we just ran out of steam. We were going non- stop at high speed, caught up with the excitement that we ran out of breath even before reaching the finish line. Our finish line should when we finally return to our Creator and not the end of Ramadhan.
A seasoned marathon runner would tell you to pace yourself and not sprint in the beginning of the race. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that we shouldn't take full advantage of the blessings of Ramadhan by doing as much as possible but also bear in mind that there is still life after Ramadhan. We should try to continue with our deeds and acts even after.
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Take up good deeds only as much as you are able, for the best deeds are those done regularly even if they are few.”
Hadith Ibn Majah
Narrated `Aisha:
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Do good deeds properly, sincerely and moderately and know that your deeds will not make you enter Paradise, and that the most beloved deed to Allah is the most regular and constant even if it were little."
Hadith Bukhari
Of course it will much more difficult with satan being loose and all but that is the challenge. To rise above the obstacles.
Find someone or people who can help, be it spouse, family or friends. People who can even join you in your quest.
"Among the people are some who open the way to goodness and close the way to evil."
Hadith Ibn Majah
If you can't find anyone to join you, don't despair. Set out your goals starting with the littlest and simplest of act. Once you feel that the act have become a norm then gradually add to it. Eventually, you will find yourself doing more but with ease and most importantly, with consistency.
"And those who strive for Us - We will surely guide them to Our ways. And indeed, Allah is with the doers of good."
Qur'an 29:69
