Returning Home

“Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

Today, I was greeted early in the morning by the news of two deaths. Though I did not know both the deceased personally, the news of their death affected me deeply. Perhaps, it is because both of the deceased were mothers like me.

No one will live forever. Each of us have our own expiry date, just that we don't know when.

"Every soul will taste death"
Surah Al Imran 3:185

Sometimes, I wonder that when I die, will anyone miss me. Will anyone be at my funeral?  I'm not exactly the easiest person to get along with so have I done enough to repair the damage? Are my deeds enough to save me later? How will I die? I do hope it's a beautiful death. The one very question that I always ask myself is, have I put my affairs in order, if I die?

I keep telling myself to try simplify my life but each day I get side-tracked and distracted with other things and almost  each night I would go into a state of panic when I remember the things that I've not done or undone. Sigh!

One thing that I've done, at least, is to leave a request with my hubby on how I would prefer to be buried in the event of my death. I told my hubby to make sure that my modesty is always protected and my awra is always covered. I would also prefer to be buried as soon as possible following the sunnah.

Authority of Abu Hurairah who quotes the Prophet as saying: "Speed up the funeral; if it is one of a good person, you are only taking that person to a good prospect. If otherwise, then he is no more than an evil you are putting off your shoulders."
Hadith Bukhari

I figured that if I never managed to get my worldly affairs in order when I return 'home' to my Maker,  at least I got my 'death' sorted out.....

Winds of Change.....

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ― Lao Tzu

It is difficult for most people to accept change especially if the change is sudden. I am no exception. I would complain and whined about it. In fact, I will make all kind of excuses to resist the change. I was the Queen of excuses. Give me one positive point and I can give you 101 negative excuses. 

Then, I realised that I was my own worst enemy. I was sabotaging myself.  Of course I had a lot of encouragement from satan, whispering negative things into my ears. Positive changes are good especially those that are suppose to bring you closer to God but we have trouble dealing with it.  

When my daughter told me, a few month ago that our usual transporter was not able to ‘transport’ my kids to and fro, from school, I inwardly groaned. I knew that I was going to be the designated driver, ferrying my kids around. That would actually disrupt my entire daily schedule. Then, I immediately stopped myself. There’s no point me whining or groaning about it. Unless I find a new transporter, I will just have to do it. I just have to change my schedule and embrace the change, regardless of how I feel about it. 

Years ago, when I realised that my life needs to drastically changed, it was not easy for me at first but then I found out that if I embrace the change instead of resisting it, the transition was a lot easier. 

The bottom line is, do I want to change? If I truly wanted to be a better Muslim then change I must. I can’t expect things to get better by just sitting down. If I truly wanted to be a better Muslim, I must stop making excuses.

           

“Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.”

Surah Ar-Rad 13:11

I have to stop giving myself excuse and sabotaging myself. Most of all, I have to stop being my own worst enemy. 

Normal human behaviour is to instinctively become defensive when faced with something negative. The thing is, that negative thing that we perceived, is sometimes a positive change. Our negative attitude is the stumbling block to our change actually, at least, it was in my situation. 

I don’t know about others but I realised that sometimes, in order to embrace the change, I need to cheat myself I need to introduce the change slowly until I get accustomed to it. Drastic change only works when I’m back to a corner or forced to accept the change but more often than not, it does not last. It normally fizzles out and I find myself reverting back to my old self.

Back to my predicament, after accepting the fact that I have to be a ‘mom taxi’, a saviour, in a form of a new transporter recommended by a friend, came to our rescue. Phew! 

So, the moral of the story, when calamity strikes, don’t be too quick to jump. Pray hard for a solution but be prepared for the worst. Embrace changes willingly to ease the transition and never give up on possibility of a miracle….

How We Forget.

“The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche.

The other day, my eldest commented, "Mummy, why is it despite not getting enough sleep, you don't have dark circles under your eyes?" Hhhmmm.....good question but honestly I don't know why despite being zombie-fied due to lack of sleep since the arrival of our little bundle of joy. It's true that miraculously, I don't bear any signs of sleep deprivation.

In fact, for most moms, we tend to forget all the pain, discomfort and sleepless night each time after giving birth. We go through the whole process over and over again. The funny thing is that I only remember it when I experience it again and not a moment before. It's like God has accorded me with 'temporary amnesia'. Chances are, if I remember every pain and discomfort beforehand, I would probably have only 1 kid.

My eldest was born via C-section after 2 nights of labour and an hour of pushing. She was just stuck and refusing to come out hence I had to be wheeled in for an emergency c-section. Suffice to say, I did an a-z birth process! Right after the surgery, I remember telling my husband that I'm not having anymore children, but, lo and behold, after a year, I forgot about the pain of childbirth  and started whining to hubbs for another baby.

Yups! We mothers do forget . Even those who remembers, if one were to ask them, without hesitation, they will do it all over again in a heart beat because being a mother, without a doubt, is the greatest experience ever.

"It is mentioned in another Hadith that Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Does it not please you (O Women!) that when you conceive from your husbands while he is pleased with you then that woman will receive such reward equal to that of a fasting person in the path of Allah and spending the night in ibaadat. When her labour pains commence the inhabitants of the earth and the sky are unaware of the stores of comfort that are prepared for her. When she delivers and breast feeds her child then she will be granted a reward for every gulp of milk, and if she had to remain awake during the night for the sake of her child, she will receive the reward of emancipating seventy slaves in the path of Allah. O Salaamat! Do you know who these women are? They are pious, upright, delicately natured but yet are obedient to their husbands and not ungrateful to them.”