It's ok to be alone......

“There is a certain strength in being alone.” ― Heather Duffy Stone

One of the biggest fear for most of us is being alone.

To be alone often means being lonely. Loneliness is not a nice feeling to have and it can make a person feels utterly depressed.

Long time ago, I found out that in order to discover ourselves, we need to be alone. That is truly when we can learn about our own strengths.

If you think about it. We came into this world alone and we will return to our Maker, alone. Then again, we are never alone. We always have Angels surrounding us and most importantly, we have God.

"When My servants ask thee concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calleth on Me: Let them also, with a will, Listen to My call, and believe in Me: That they may walk in the right way."

Surah Al Baqara 1:186

Today, at the Sisters Book Club, we talked about being alone and being lonely. Actually, we talked about a whole load of others stuff also *grins*. Well....You know how it is...when sisters meet, they tend to talk about everything under sun!

But the gems I got from our discussion was that, sometimes, you find that you need take a certain journey on your own. The journey to get closer to God is the journey that we need to make on our own. Even if we have friends on similar path, each of our experiences will still be different.

And, the beauty of it is....we may be alone but we will never be lonely.

"It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his soul makes to him: for We are nearer to him than (his) jugular vein."

Surah Qaf 50:16

The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Allah the Most High said, ‘I am as My servant thinks (expects) I am. I am with him when he mentions Me. If he mentions Me to himself, I mention him to Myself; and if he mentions Me in an assembly, I mention him in an assembly greater than it. If he draws near to Me a hand’s length, I draw near to him an arm’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.’”

[Sahih Al-Bukhari]

I'm not saying that we need to isolate everyone in our lives or become a hermit, in order to come close to God. Neither am I'm saying that we shouldn't seek help from others or companionship when we need it.

All I'm saying is that if you find yourself to be alone, don't feel despair or sad as it could be that God wants some private time with you. Perhaps so that you can devote your entire attention to Him without distractions. An intimate session, just you and Him.

Moral of the story....Don't worry...... we are never truly alone...

The Book Club

“A room without books is like a body without a soul.” ― Marcus Tullius Cicero

The Wise Owl always tells me to read. "Sister, you must continue to read books. You must continue gaining knowledge".

What the Wise Owl said is true, in fact,  "Iqra", which means 'read', was the first word that was uttered by the Angel Jibrail a.s. to our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW in the cave of Hira', when the first wahyu was revealed.

The good news is that I love books and I love reading. The bad news is that I've been so caught up with other stuff that I couldn't find the time to sit down and actually read a real book. The honest truth is that I've been slacking....

Realising that fact, I decided to do something about about it. The mountain of un-read books that are stacked high at the corner of my bedroom seems to be mocking me every time I glance at it. With all these hi-tech gadgets and gizmos, I tend to get easily distracted. I needed to to discipline myself to get back to old fashion book reading. I needed to do something..

So as a solution...I decided to join the Book Club! I figured that by joining a book club, I would not have any excuse but to read at least 1 book a month. Perfect solution right? I purchased the books on the club's reading list (and added it to the existing mountainous pile) and started reading the book that was going to be discussed at the next book club meet. 

I must admit that I was really looking forward to the book club meet but I was also a bit nervous as I didn't know most of the ladies in the group. The group had decided to meet at one of the Mosque. 

After the introduction, we went on to discuss about the book of the month. Each one of the sisters gave her view on the book and author. 

I must say, I was amazed. I never thought that a book club can be so interesting and fun. I love listening to the views of the sisters with regards to the characters and also the contents of the book. It was refreshing. I discovered that by reading, you can gain knowledge of things that you don't know but by listening, you can gain a deeper understanding of the knowledge that you possess.

Did you know that any gathering with the intention of obtaining knowledge is a blessed gathering?

The prophet (SallaAallahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said, “Whoever seeks a path through which to gain knowledge, then Allah will make easy a path for him to Jannah (e.g. facilitate study for you, making the Day of Judgement easy i.e. journey over siraat, etc).” 
Hadith Tirmidhi & Ahmad

I went to the book club meet that day with the intention to discuss a book but what I got instead was so much more. I learnt the true meaning of modesty or 'haya' of women. I learnt about the obstacles and struggles that the other sisters face in trying to be a good Muslimah. Most of all, I made new friends. Now, I can say that I belong to a sisterhood of books. As nerdy as it sounds, I am happy to be part of this group and I am really looking forward to the next meet, to learn more...InshaAllah...

"Proclaim! (or read!) in the name of thy Lord and Cherisher, Who created-

Created man, out of a (mere) clot of congealed blood:

Proclaim! And thy Lord is Most Bountiful,-

He Who taught (the use of) the pen,-

Taught man that which he knew not.

Nay, but man doth transgress all bounds,

In that he looketh upon himself as self-sufficient.

Verily, to thy Lord is the return (of all).

Seest thou one who forbids-

A votary when he (turns) to pray?

Seest thou if he is on (the road of) Guidance?-

Or enjoins Righteousness?

Seest thou if he denies (Truth) and turns away?

Knoweth he not that Allah doth see?

Let him beware! If he desist not, We will drag him by the forelock,-

A lying, sinful forelock!

Then, let him call (for help) to his council (of comrades):

We will call on the angels of punishment (to deal with him)!

Nay, heed him not: But bow down in adoration, and bring thyself the closer (to Allah)!"

Surah Al-Alaq 96:1-19 

Through Thick and Thin..

“Struggles test the strength of our faith.” ― Lailah Gifty Akita

Yesterday, was the weekly gardening meet with the usual suspect; sis M, sis G, sis F and myself. It has been two weeks since we last met. I really do look forward to our weekly meetings because not only do I get to sharpen my gardening skills and eat all those marvelous food brought by the sisters but also, I enjoy the chit-chats. I love the fact that we talk about everything under the sun, from religion to problems, food and to even how to budget travel to London just to eat fish & chips!

Anyway, I was on a stool, trying to balance myself and avoid being pricked by thorns whilst cutting the leaves of the sidr tree when sis M commented, "you know, we only remember God when we are in trouble but we forget him once we are doing fine. We need to remember more especially when we are happy." As much as I hate to admit it, I too have been guilty of that in the past.

Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My sniffles had turned into a full blown flu. My nose is so red that even Rudolf would actually be envious. 

The first thing that crossed my mind was, I'm sick because I'm paying for my sins.

Hadrat Abdullah bin Mas'ood(R.A.) reports that Rasulullah(Sallallaahu alaiyhi wassallam) said, 'Whenever a Muslim experiences any hardship like sickness (etc.), Allah Ta'ala wipes away his sins just as a tree sheds its leaves during autumn.'
(Bukhaari and Muslim)

Then, what sis M had said yesterday echoed in my head. It is true. As human, we tend to forget. We forget about the bad times when things are good. We forget lessons learnt during hard times when things becomes easy. We forget about the sacrifices made by others when we have achieved success. We forget about the friends who stood by us when we were down when we have climbed back on top. The saddest part of all, we forget God when we are happy and would only turn to Him when we are in trouble or sad. 

“I am to my servant as he expects of Me, I am with him when he remembers Me. If he remembers Me in his heart, I remember him to Myself, and if he remembers me in an assembly, I mention him in an assembly better than his…”
(Bukhari and Muslim)

So, sometimes when we become forgetful, God sends us little signs. It may come in a gentle form of sis M or in a dizzy form of sickness or even in a big painful slap in the face.  Pay heed. Be thankful. Remember Him always.....

“Remember Allah during times of ease and He will remember you during times of difficulty”
(Tirmidh)

Less but More

“To be content with little is difficult; to be content with much, impossible.” ― Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach.

Just the other day, a friend of mine asked, " How can you be happy having so little when you used to have so much more? Do you have regrets?". Hmmmm..... to tell you the truth, she's not the first person to ask me that.

It has been 4 years since I left the rat-race....

"By (the Token of) Time (through the ages), Verily Man is in loss, Except such as have Faith, and do righteous deeds, and (join together) in the mutual teaching of Truth, and of Patience and Constancy."

Surah Al Asr 103: 1-3

It's true that I had so much more in terms of money, clothes, shoes, handbags and other stuff but all of that came at a price. My work took me away from my family. I missed a lot of small but significant events in my children's life, like their first step and their progression from walking unsteadily to running. I was just too engrossed with my career.

Whilst my career did give me some recognition amongst my peers and friends but I felt small in the Eyes of God.

The Wise Old Man used to tell me, "There's more to life than work. Don't stay back too late." He also said that we will be surprised to know that we can actually survive and be happy with very little. Now, many years after, I daresay that the Wise Old Man is right.

In terms of material stuff or money, I may have less now as compared to before but I discovered something. I have more time for my husband and kids. I'm enjoying motherhood from a completely different angle. And you know what? Most importantly, I have more time for God. I am able to get to know Him better and learn to love Him. I also have more time to get to know our beloved Prophet pbuh, learn his teachings and put it into practise so that I don't feel like a hypocrite when I declare myself to be one of his ummah.

Also, now I have time to reconnect with old friends, spend time with current ones, become a gardener and recently, joined a book club. 

So in actual fact, if you think about it, I have much more now than I ever did before. I have more time, more precious time.  Time is something money can't buy as it belongs to God Almighty. Regret? Not the least bit but instead I feel quite the opposite....grateful...

Ibn Abbas narrated that Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) said:

"There are two blessings which many people lose: (They are) health and free time for doing good."
Sahih Bukhari

How much is enough?

"No one has ever become poor by giving.” - Anne Frank

I believe that God is the best Planner. He plans our schedules and meetings according to what is best for us. We may not understand it or even liked it at that time but He has a good reason for everything.

“And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.” 
(AI-Baqarah, 2:216)

Yesterday, I met up with two very young but very aspiring couple. I admire their dedication and hardwork towards Islam even at a young age. When I was their age, (which was eons ago and I'm beginning to feel like a dinosaur fossil with my bones rattling everywhere), Islam was farthest on my mind. I was too busy chasing the world.

Anyway, this young brother said something that has been plaguing me for months. He said that he feels he hasn't done enough charity. Without him knowing, he echoed my own distress.

The question is, how much is enough and when do you know it's enough? If only we have a visible quota ruler complete with neon lights and warning buzzer that can indicate our acts of charities and warn us if we fall short.

So, what do we do? Well......I find that if you set a target for yourself to try to do a charitable act, at least once a day, perhaps the guilt feeling won't hunt you. For me, I admit that I got distracted and have been slacking for the last few months. This young couple was sent to me as a reminder...

Many think that you need to have money in order to give in charity. Wrong!! An act of kindness is also an act of charity. The easist one is to smile to others and be nice. Leave your grumpy moods and bad-hair day drama in the toilet. If possible, flush it down.

The Prophet also said: "Every act of goodness is charity." - Sahih Muslim, Hadith 496

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "Charity is prescribed for each descendant of Adam every day the sun rises." He was then asked: "From what do we give charity every day?" The Prophet answered: "The doors of goodness are many...enjoining good, forbidding evil, removing harm from the road, listening to the deaf, leading the blind, guiding one to the object of his need, hurrying with the strength of one's legs to one in sorrow who is asking for help, and supporting the feeble with the strength of one's arms--all of these are charity prescribed for you." He also said: "Your smile for your brother is charity." - Fiqh-us-Sunnah, Volume 3, Number 98 

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "Every Muslim has to give in charity." The people then asked: "(But what) if someone has nothing to give, what should he do?" The Prophet replied: "He should work with his hands and benefit himself and also give in charity (from what he earns)." The people further asked: "If he cannot find even that?" He replied: "He should help the needy who appeal for help." Then the people asked: "If he cannot do (even) that?" The Prophet said finally: "Then he should perform good deeds and keep away from evil deeds, and that will be regarded as charitable deeds." - Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 2, Hadith 524 

Committing an act of charity is actually food for the soul. When you feel the twitches in your heart or the guilt, that means your soul is starving. If you don't believe me, try it for yourself. Feed a person. See how your heart reacts to it. How it's rejuvenated. You'll feel as if a flower had bloomed in your chest.

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “Protect yourself from hell-fire even by giving a piece of date as charity.”
(Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

How do we know when it's enough? Hhmm....that's quite subjective actually. I suppose we need to listen carefully to the whispering of our hearts and also, I believe that if you find contentment and peace in your heart even in this chaotic world, then perhaps you've fulfilled your 'quota'. Wallahualam....

“Who is it that would loan Allah a goodly loan so He may multiply it for him many times over? And it is Allah who withholds and grants abundance, and to Him you will be returned.”
(Surah Al Baqara 2:245)

Learning to Let Go

“The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday.” ― Steve Maraboli

Once, a sister asked me, how should she deal with people who repeatedly hurt her feelings. Have you ever been in that situation? Whilst it's easy to walk away and stay away from acquiantances or even strangers, how do one react if the person is a family member or work-mate or someone you see on a daily basis? Tricky isn't? You can't simply tell the person off as it might jepordise the relationship but at the same time, you can't take the pain anymore. How do you cope with the anger, pain and heartache without confronting the culprit? What do you do when you know that talking to this person will not make a difference but could possibily make things worse?

Well....I'm no expert but I did find myself in such situation a few years back. One thing for sure, it's not a nice situation for anyone to be in. At that time, I felt torn between trying to maintain the peace and to fight for justice and my own sanity. Keeping everything bottled up is also not solution as one can only take in so much before exploding. The negativity will only pull you down and make you feel depress.

"Allah desireth for you ease; He desireth not hardship for you;"
Surah Al Baqara 2:185

My advice is....let it go. Let all the negative emotions go. Sometimes we need to experience hate in order to learn to forgive. Forgive the person and move on. Don't let this person occupy a space in your heart. Trust me, this person is just not worth your attention or losing sleep over. Once you let go, you will not be affected with anything that this person does to you.

"but forgive them, and overlook (their misdeeds): for Allah loveth those who are kind."
Surah Al Maida 5:13

Abdullah ibn Amr (may Allah be pleased with him) reported:
The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said,"Be merciful to others and you will receive mercy. Forgive others and Allah will forgive you."Narrated by Imam Ahmad

We must accept the fact that we can never please everyone and that there are bound to be someone who simply hates us. Sometimes, the problem lies not with us but within the heart of that person. Envy, hatred, dislike and grudges are all diseases of the heart that has the potential to blacken one's heart if one is not careful.

If a person does not like you, don't be sad or angry or depress. Just shrug it off, accept the fact and move on. Believe me, you can't make everyone like you. Even our beloved Prophet Muhammad pbuh had 'haters' during his time and yet, he is the best amongst all of us. Aim to please your Creator and not His creations.

Also, always think well of God. If a person has nothing but negativity towards you, then perhaps God is showing you that this person is not someone you should have in your life. As much as you can, keep away from them but if you can't, don't let them get to you.

Worst case scenario, if it still bothers you, just pretend that the person is mentally impaired. That way, hopefully you will be able to deal with it better.

Most important of all, always remember that God Almighty is always near....

"He said: "Fear not: for I am with you: I hear and see (everything)."
Surah Ta ha 20:46

Life starts at 40?

“Just remember, when you’re over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.”
― Charles M. Schulz

A couple years ago, I discovered that we reach the pinnacle of our lives at the age of 40. 40 is such a special age that it is specifically mentioned in the Quran.

"And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful & kind to his parents. His mother bears him with hardship. And she brings him forth with hardship, and the bearing of him and the weaning of him is thirty months, till when he attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: My Lord! Grant me the power and ability that I may be grateful for Your Favour which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and that I may do righteous good deeds, such as please You, and make my off-spring good. Truly, I have turned to You in repentance, and truly, I am one of the Muslims.”

Surah Ahqaf 15:46

When I first read the verse, I really didn't understand the meaning of the verse. The Wise Old then told me that it means in Islam, we reach our 'spiritual' maturity at age of 40. Hmmmm....really? I'm not sure if that's true for me though.

Well, I've gone past the significant age threshold and I slowly began to noticed something. You know the saying 'everything that goes up, must come down'. Once you've climbed to the top of the mountain, the only other way for you to go is....down. Similarly with our bodies, once we've reached our prime, it will slowly descend down the graf and wither.

For the last few months, I began to feel the impact of being above 40. Now, I get aches and pain on my body that I never did experienced before. My movement have somewhat slowed down.

Our body is given to us on loan by God until such appointed time. For some people, the body is taken back at a moment notice and for others, gradually.

I do believe that for me, little bits and pieces of me such as my strength, agility, part of my eyesight and health are slowly finding its way back to its Maker, God Almighty.

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un
We surely belong to Allah and to Him we shall return.

"Who say, when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return"
Surah Al Baqara 2:156

Some of the privileges given to me are now being taken back slowly. Ultimately, my soul will return to Him. So whilst I'm still alive though no longer kicking, I must make full use of the balance of my life in the best possible way. 

The Prophet said: ”Take advantage of five matters before five other matters: your youth before you become old; your health, before you fall sick; your wealth, before you become poor; your free time before you become preoccupied, and your life, before your death.” (Narrated by Ibn Abbas in the Mustadrak of Hakim & Musnad Imam Ahmad. Sahih)