“The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.” ― Eric Hoffer
Something totally unexpected happened to me after I gave birth recently. One fine day, I woke up feeling utterly depress. It was like doom and gloom. I couldn’t find the cause of my depression, which made me even more depress. I became anxious, agitated, paranoid and tearful.
I consulted my gynae thinking that was it was just hormonal imbalance considering my age but she was of the opinion that I was experiencing ‘post-natal’ depression and suggested that I see ‘someone’, meaning a shrink. Errrr….ok….Then, I spoke to a close friend who is also a gynae and she also diagnosed the same thing. Hhmmmm…Somehow, the idea of seeing a psychiatrist didn’t sit too well with me. It may be that some of my friends think I’m mental but I’m not crazy you know………
At first I found it impossible to believe because to me, only first time mothers experience post natal blues and not one who had just given birth her fifth child! But, truth remained, all the symptoms were there. One way or the other, I needed help.
One of the things that I noticed was that I lost the ability to write. My mind was completely blank. I couldn’t even put together a proper sentence in my head, let alone compose a paragraph. Everything was a blur. That, effectively got me upset even further.
Truth is, we (myself included) tend to take a lot things that has been given to us by God for granted. We failed to appreciate the simple things, which are blessing, that we have until it is taken away from us. Friends, families, good job, money, good health and the list goes on.
You see, writing has always been my passion and to have it taken away from me, even for the briefest moment, was pure agony. I felt lost and useless. I also felt like the dumbest person on earth. It was like whatever knowledge that I had that was bestowed by Him, was taken away. I wasn’t even sure if the knowledge would ever be returned to me. Even though it was just the ability to think and write and not even something more severe like my sight or limbs but it was enough to make me realize that whatever God has given us, He can easily take it away in a flash.
Could it be that I have not been grateful enough?
“Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both (jinns and men) deny?”
Surah Ar Rahman 55:13
“And whatever of blessings and good things you have, it is from Allah. Then, when harm touches you, unto Him you cry aloud for help.”
Surah An Nahl 16:53
Maybe, I was too busy with my ‘worldly’ life that I didn’t thank Him enough. Maybe, I didn’t repent for the sins that I consciously or sub-consciously committed recently. Maybe, I committed a wrong against another person. Maybe, maybe, maybe…..
The thing is, I can sit and ponder about the ‘maybes’ until the cows come home but it would not solve my predicament. I realized that there was only one thing to do….
Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un
"Surely we belong to Allah and to Him shall we return"
So……..million dollar question…Did I manage to chase my blues away?
Alhamdulillah, I have had help and support from family and friends and I am slowly but surely on the road to recovery. I am not completely whole yet so do forgive me if my writing is a blubbering mess but let me give you this tiny piece of important advice….when in need, turn to God Al Mighty FIRST. Beg for forgiveness and guidance from Him. Be patient and have faith. Beg for His help and He in turn, will grant you His mercy and send people to help you….
“And your Lord says, "Call upon Me; I will respond to you."
Surah Ghafir 40:60